
Divorce & Separation
A Positive Divorce – The Good
News.
The reality is that a successful relationship takes hard work and
a successful divorce takes harder work. It’s difficult to stop
being “intimate partners” and become just two people working
together to raise a child. The good news is that with patience and
persistence you can have a positive divorce.
Having a good divorce means identifying the reality of your situation
and focusing on creating a positive response for your family.
Truths to keep in mind:
Family change hurts: It involves painful adjustments for parents,
children and others. The good news is that there are things parents
can do to ease the discomfort for children and themselves.
Parents are leaders for children: It can be difficult to lead anyone
when you feeling injured, angry or fearful. The good news is that
parents can do things to help themselves become stronger and work
through their anger.
Single parenting is difficult: It can feel strange to be a parent
without the safety net of a two-parent home (that is, comfort in knowing
that someone else is there to help). The good news is that children
can develop very well within two separate loving and supportive homes.
There are many things parents cannot control: People can feel anxious
and scared when they cannot find a source of personal power in a difficult
situation. The good news is that you do have control over your response
to family change.
***
Establishing a Co-Parenting Relationship
The idea of cooperating with your former partner is any area may seem
like an impossible job. However, when you have children it is a job
that has to be done. Many parents have been quite successful, over
time, in creating a partnership focused only on parenting issues.
This new relationship looks and feels very different. It is called
Co-Parenting.
Co-parenting is...
- On-going communication about the children’s
needs and interests
- On-going joint decision-making about the children’s needs and
interests
- Coming to terms with sharing time with children and parental responsibility
Co-parenting might be…
- Being at the same event at the same time
as the other parent
- Being at a family holiday event at the same time as the other parent
Co-parenting is not...- Getting
your needs met rather than focusing on the child’s needs
- Maintaining a level of conflict because you can’t let go of
the marriage relationship
- Going back to husband and wife roles
- Getting “back together” with the other parent
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