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off again relationship

Why do couples repeat the cycle several times of on and off before breaking things off permanently? When couples are faced with loneliness and low self esteem that accompany a break-up, they continually fall back on the temporary relief of reconciliation.

Couples continue to reunite out of persistent hope that the moments of happiness they have known will someday constitute the entire relationship. We begin to accept and find new ways of dealing with our partners shortcomings and overlook the original reasons for the break-up. Another reason for getting back together is the time invested in the relationship. After spending so much time and energy with someone it can be hard to accept that your efforts were a waste of your time. You question whether it’s worth starting all over again with someone new and instead accept what you already have.

Self esteem is at the root of this decision. Feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, inability to make new friends/partners often play a big role in whether you stay or leave the relationship. Ask yourself…are you staying because you are in love with this person and how they are treating you or you fear moving on to the unknown?

If deep down inside you know that the relationship isn’t right, then get out. It’s easier said then done and it takes time to heal. Establish healthy boundaries. Learn to set healthy personal boundaries for maintaining a positive self concept or self image. You are the highest authority on YOU. You know yourself best. You know what you need, what you want and value. Don’t let anyone else make the decisions for you. Healthy boundaries allow you to respect your strengths, abilities and individuality as well as those of others. Unhealthy imbalance can occur when you encourage neediness or are needy, want to be rescued or choose to play the victim. You deserve to be treated with respect. Change the focus. Concentrate on working on your self esteem, surround yourself amongst friends, join a gym, seek professional help. Thinking you can change your partners worst habits, is wishful thinking … what you see, is what you get. As Maya Angelou once said “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

At The Hellenic Therapy Center, we work with couples and or individuals to establish healthy and respectful relationships. We will provide you with the tools you need to walk away from a relationship if it no longer serves you. Visit or call 908-322-0112 or on Facebook. We have a team of licensed professionals available day, evening and weekend hours.

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