Learning to trust again after trust has been broken takes time, healing and work. Trust can be broken in many ways including being cheated on, betrayed, lied to, left out, or a break-up.
When someone breaks our trust, we no longer trust anyone. This leads to isolation, loss, depression and unhealthy patterns in relationships. On the other hand, others will find that someone and assign total trust in them as a way of repairing the hurt they have just experienced. It is important to recognize that no one is perfect, we all make mistakes and can disappoint others.
Fear of being hurt again is what keeps us from trusting again. Opening ourselves up and being vulnerable to others does not happen naturally any longer. In many respects this is a good thing. Perhaps at one time we were too trusting and wanted to trust everyone. Oftentimes when we have been affected in our family of origin with trust issues, as adults we choose to trust everyone. It is a way of repairing ourselves, yet it is an unrealistic expectation to have of someone else.
Experiencing a very painful betrayal in many ways can be a wake-up call. It allows us to pay attention to the present. It is an opportunity to look within and learn about ourselves and how we choose the right person to trust. Learning to trust again begins with trusting YOU and how well you set boundaries, how much you disclose and how vulnerable you allow yourself to be. Once we are confident within and have worked on our own issues, we are then able to identify how well we are being treated and whether this person is consistent with keeping their word and following through with what they say. Observing how someone treats other people can be extremely revealing. If you are with someone who lies to others, it is likely that this person lies to you as well. If you do not like how they treat others, it is likely you will be treated the same. What someone does outside of the relationship is easily repeated in the relationship. If they do not have the ability to do certain things that require good character, then they will not be able to be in a good relationship with you.
At the Hellenic Therapy Center, 567 Park Avenue, Scotch Plains, NJ, we have a team of licensed professionals available day, evening and weekend hour.
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