Divorce and Separation
A Positive Divorce – The Good News.
The reality is that a successful relationship takes hard work and a successful divorce takes harder work. It’s difficult to stop being “intimate partners” and become just two people working together to raise a child. The good news is that with patience and persistence you can have a positive divorce.
Having a good divorce means identifying the reality of your situation and focusing on creating a positive response for your family.
Truths to keep in mind:
Family change hurts: It involves painful adjustments for parents, children and others. The good news is that there are things parents can do to ease the discomfort for children and themselves.
Parents are leaders for children: It can be difficult to lead anyone when you feeling injured, angry or fearful. The good news is that parents can do things to help themselves become stronger and work through their anger.
Single parenting is difficult: It can feel strange to be a parent without the safety net of a two-parent home (that is, comfort in knowing that someone else is there to help). The good news is that children can develop very well within two separate loving and supportive homes.
There are many things parents cannot control: People can feel anxious and scared when they cannot find a source of personal power in a difficult situation. The good news is that you do have control over your response to family change.
Establishing a Co-Parenting Relationship
The idea of cooperating with your former partner is any area may seem like an impossible job. However, when you have children it is a job that has to be done. Many parents have been quite successful, over time, in creating a partnership focused only on parenting issues. This new relationship looks and feels very different. It is called Co-Parenting.
On-going communication about the children’s needs and interests
On-going joint decision-making about the children’s needs and interests
Coming to terms with sharing time with children and parental responsibility
Co-parenting might be…
Being at the same event at the same time as the other parent
Being at a family holiday event at the same time as the other parent
Co-parenting is not...
Getting your needs met rather than focusing on the child’s needs
Maintaining a level of conflict because you can’t let go of the marriage relationship
Going back to husband and wife roles
Getting “back together” with the other parent