It’s Okay to Take a Break—Just Come Back

By Maria Sikoutris Di Iorio, MA, EdS, MFT, LPC

Every couple has disagreements. Sometimes emotions run high, and one or both partners need time to cool down before continuing the conversation. Taking space can be healthy. The problem begins when space turns into silence with no intention of returning to the conversation.

There is an important difference between saying, “I’m too upset to talk right now. I need some time, but I want to come back to this tonight,” and simply refusing to speak or engage with your partner. The first communicates a need for space. The second can leave the other person feeling rejected, anxious, punished or ignored.

For some couples, the silent treatment can last for days or even weeks. During that time, one partner may be left wondering what is happening, when the silence will end, or whether the relationship is okay. The original disagreement can become less important than the emotional distance that follows. What may have started as a disagreement can turn into resentment, hurt and disconnection.

Taking a break during an argument is perfectly reasonable. Sometimes it is exactly what a couple needs to prevent words from being told in anger. But the break should have a purpose and, whenever possible, a plan. Let your partner know that you need some time to calm down—and reassure them that you intend to return to the conversation.

The goal isn't to avoid conflict. Healthy couples learn how to come back to difficult conversations when they are calmer and better able to listen. You may not agree when the conversation ends, but you can work toward understanding one another.

It’s okay to take the space you need. Just don’t let the space become the relationship. Come back to the conversation.

Maria Sikoutris Di Iorio, MA, EdS, MFT, LPC, is a psychotherapist and Clinical Director of Hellenic Therapy Center. For more information about counseling services, contact Hellenic Therapy Center, www.hellenictherapy.com, or call 908-322-0112.