Dreading the Winter Holidays?

Come November, Thanksgiving and the winter holidays start to dominate the media, retail stores, street décor, online platforms, and daily conversations. While many people eagerly anticipate this time, others experience anxiety, sadness, dread, loneliness, or a confusing mix of emotions. You are not alone. Here is how to cope.

Understanding the Sources of Holiday Distress

When it seems like the societal expectation is to be joyous, feeling any negative or mixed emotions can lead to guilt and increased isolation. You are not alone in these feelings, and there are many reasons why people may experience negative emotions around the holiday season. Here are some common sources of holiday distress:

• Difficult family dynamics. With many holiday rituals involving family togetherness, those with dysfunctional, distant, or nonexistent familial relationships can experience feelings of loneliness, guilt, and possibly painful reminders of childhood trauma. Even those with relatively stable or “normal” families to spend holidays with may feel anxious about interpersonal tensions (unresolved arguments, political differences, grudges, etc.).

• Grief. For those who have recently lost a loved one, or who lost someone around the holiday season, this time can be a painful reminder of the loss and can exacerbate the sense of emptiness.

• Financial stress. Holidays, with all of their social and gifting expectations, can create a financial burden, which can be even more stressful in difficult economic times.

• Exhaustion. Work stress, social obligations, trying to create holiday “magic” for children and other loved ones, and seasonal factors such as cold temperatures and lack of sunlight can all lead to physical and emotional exhaustion.

• Expectations. Media, social norms, and family traditions can all create a sense of unrealistically high expectations for everything from cooking to decorations to gifts to an overall sense of joy and “magic”. When we then don’t meet those expectations, we get down on ourselves and feel like failures.

Strategies for Coping with Holiday Stress

If any of this resonates with you, know that you are not alone. The holidays can be wonderful but also difficult . Sometimes these feelings occur simultaneously. Consider these strategies for coping with holiday stress:

• Evaluate your expectations. Know that you do not need to internalize what you see as societal norms, whether it be for gifting, rituals, socialization, or what you “should” feel.

• Set boundaries. Remember that you CAN say no – to invitations that don’t sound enjoyable, to overbooking yourself or your family, to gift exchanges that you cannot afford. It is also okay to go to an event and excuse yourself early, or politely decline to engage in conversations you don’t want to have.

• Create your own rituals and traditions. This can mean spending time with friends or even by yourself rather than with your family of origin, choosing to order take-out rather than cooking an elaborate meal, or exchanging handmade gifts or even just heartfelt cards instead of expensive gifts. It is okay to mark the holidays, express gratitude, and show love to those close to you in ways that feel right to you rather than those that are the accepted social norm.

• Practice self-care. Movement, healthy diet, nature, sunlight, sufficient rest, and refraining from over-consumption of alcohol are all important steps to coping effectively with holiday stress.

• Seek support when you need it. If your emotions around the holidays feel overwhelming, therapy can help. Working with a therapist can help process any past experiences, trauma, grief, or familial dysfunction that have contributed to making this time of year so difficult, and can also help guide you in creating healthier habits, routines, and coping mechanisms.

At The Hellenic Therapy Center, 567 Park Avenue, Scotch Plains, NJ we have a team of licensed professionals with day, evening, and weekend hours available for individual, couples, or family therapy. Please visit us at www.hellenictherapy.com, FaceBook, or Instagram.  Call us at 908-322-0112 for further information.