Losing the Self: A Psychological Analysis of Female Self-Silencing in Coming to America Movie

A Lesson in Authenticity and Identity Loss

One of my film favorites is Eddie Murphy’s Coming to America. One memorable scene depicts Prince Akeem meeting the woman chosen for him. She has been trained to anticipate his every desire, mirror his preferences, and suppress her own thoughts.

Though presented comically, this exaggerated obedience reflects a real psychological phenomenon: many women are conditioned to minimize themselves in relationships. The bride’s behavior illustrates how socialization, self-silencing, and codependent patterns can lead women to lose their identity in pursuit of connection.

The Pattern of Self-Silencing

The bride’s extreme compliance highlights a pattern of self-erasure in which women suppress their own needs and opinions to maintain harmony. Beyond individual behavior, gender socialization plays a major role -- women are often taught that their value lies in being agreeable, accommodating, and emotionally supportive. These expectations are reinforced from childhood through family roles and cultural messages, encouraging women to prioritize others over themselves.

Psychological Consequences of Suppression

The psychological consequences of this dynamic are significant. Women who habitually suppress themselves may experience anxiety, depression, resentment, and a lack of personal fulfillment. In the film, Akeem quickly recognizes the emptiness of a relationship built solely on obedience and rejects it, illustrating that intimacy requires authenticity, not submission.

Reclaiming Identity for Genuine Love

Ultimately, the scene offers a broader lesson: healthy relationships thrive when both individuals are autonomous, expressive, and whole. Women reclaiming their voices and identities can form connections rooted in respect, equality, and genuine love. Coming to America uses humor to expose a serious truth: love should never require the loss of self.

The exaggerated obedience of the movie character highlights the very real patterns of self-silencing and identify loss that many women experiences. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward empowerment, authenticity, and meaningful connection. To help individuals navigate these challenges and embrace their full potential, I launched Against All Odds, Inc., an affiliate of Hellenic Therapy Center devoted to inspiring courage, resilience, and self-discovery.

If you can relate and have experience silencing, please feel free to email me at Maria@hellenictherapy.com. Or call me at 908-451-3452. I’d love to hear from you.