When Grandchildren Favor One Grandparent Over Another

If you're a grandparent, few things are more painful than watching your grandchild run into someone else's arms while barely acknowledging yours.

You may wonder, Why do they seem to love Grandma more than me? The hurt can be surprisingly deep, especially if you've invested time, love, and energy into building the relationship.

The good news is that, in most cases, a child's preference has far less to do with love than it does with familiarity, opportunity, personality, and normal childhood development.

Young children live in the moment. They aren't thinking about fairness or how their behavior affects adults. They simply gravitate toward the people who make them feel safe, comfortable, or excited. Today it may be the grandparent who gets down on the floor to play. Tomorrow it may be the one who reads bedtime stories or always has their favorite snack. Children's preferences often change as they grow.

Consistency also matters. A grandparent who lives nearby, babysits regularly, or attends school events naturally has more opportunities to build a close relationship. That doesn't mean the child loves another grandparent any less—it simply reflects the time they've shared together.

Children also connect differently with different personalities. An adventurous child may love the grandparent who plays outside for hours, while a quieter child may enjoy baking cookies, read books, or doing puzzles with another. Neither relationship is better; they're simply different.

Sometimes the reasons have nothing to do with the grandparents themselves. Distance, divorce, busy schedules, family conflict, or other circumstances may limit opportunities to spend time together. Children can't build close relationships with people they rarely see.

Nurturing a meaningful connection with your grandchild

When feelings get hurt, it's tempting to compete for a grandchild's attention with bigger gifts or comments like, "You love Grandma more than me." Although understandable, these responses can place emotional pressure on a child. Instead, continue showing up with warmth, patience, and genuine interest. Children remember how you made them feel far more than what you bought them.

Rather than comparing yourself to another grandparent, focus on creating your own special traditions, whether it's making pancakes on Sunday mornings, gardening together, fishing, sharing family stories, or reading books over FaceTime. Those moments often become the memories children treasure most.

Years from now, your grandchild probably won't remember who they hugged first at a birthday party. They will remember who consistently showed up, listened, encouraged them, and loved them unconditionally.

Maria Sikoutris-DiIorio, MA, EdS, MFT, LPC, is the Clinical Director of Hellenic Therapy Center in Scotch Plains, NJ. She specializes in helping individuals, couples, and families strengthen relationships, improve communication, and navigate life's challenges with compassion and understanding. Visit us @www.hellenictherapy.com or call Maria @ 908-322-0112.